One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poison

Went to hear a talk at a temple. Well the topic of the talk was Heart Sutra, but the thing that I took back the most is the last of the session, during the Q&A. What was mentioned then was truly a great example of practising compassion and helping people with wisdom.

This is what happens. A nun was leading a group of devotees to pilgrimage in India. So they have to travel from villages to villages. As we all know the city and the villages are worlds apart although they are found in the same country. Children at the villages, when they saw visitors, came out in drove to beg for money or to sell things to the visitors. Being compassionate, the devotees donated some money to these children. But the nun notice that some of these kids just repeatedly move along with the group to beg for money. So in the end, the nun forbid the devotees from donating to these kids anymore. Now in most people's eye, many would have called the nun heartless but the moment I heard about the nun forbidding the devotees to donate, I knew what the problem was. By donating to these kids, you are encouraging them to beg. Begging is never a long term solution to these kids. And it only educate these kids that they can gain something great without much effort, since they are milking the 'compassion' of people. So it is wise to stop 'feeding' these kids, rather we should put the money to better use, helping these kids to get out of this poverty cycle, a need for longer term solution.

Another thing that was shared by another person who attended the talk was that, there is a high chance that these kids are being exploited by syndicates. Usually the kids with their naivity and their looks are able to 'milk' compassion easily, so the syndicates would recruit these kids, exploit them to beg for money and at the end of the day, just provide these kids with adequate three meals. If one is to donate to these kids, aren't you encouraging such exploitation? I believe this is a good example of practising compassion with wisdom. You cannot look at the act itself. Yes, the act to you might be compassionate, but you have to look at the effect of your action as well. Are you encouraging a wrong practice that has a nice front? Chinese have a saying "挂羊头卖狗肉", literally means, hanging a goat's head but selling dog's meat. So have the wisdom to know whether your act is good or bad in nature.

I would like to share another thing about helping people. I have a friend who approach me seeking help on which MBA to choose (from someone who does not intend to take MBA all along, maybe until now. Haha!). She mentioned that she like how I help her to choose because I keep on putting her into consideration rather then her other friend which keep on mentioning which MBA is good for himself. Such an example reminds me the title of this blog "One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poison". When we look at people, we usually put in our own measures, standard and expectation. But have you noticed that your act of kindness might not be perceived as an act of kindness to another person. For example, you like to eat glutinous rice but without finding out whether your friend like to eat or not, you treat him with what YOU like. In the end, being friends, he does not reject you and he himself have to be stuck with something he does not like. Get what I mean?

So remember these examples when you start thinking of helping people. Help wisely. For me, this blog serves as a reminder to keep on practising what I mentioned here. I might make mistakes but hei, most importantly is learn from them. Cheers!